Everyone has them...the moment when you know that if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting.
I was on vacation with my family...in pain with every laugh, every hug, but loving being with them. The 15 hour drive was rough on the ribs...but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews and I LOVE them. It's so much fun to always have an adorable little person to cuddle. =)
We were at my parents campsite...enjoying a peaceful evening. My niece Kaylee, came up to me and we were talking. I was like "Kaylee, sit in my lap and let's roast marsh mellows!" She looked at me and said "LaLa...i can't...Daddy says if I sit in your lap, I'll get in trouble." With that, she trodded off to her cousins.
I sat there as the tears welled up. My brother was only protecting me. He knew that a kid in my lap meant using those chest muscles under the ribs- always causing more pain. I went back to my cabin and let the tears fall. Kaylee was 4 when I first got Costo. She's 7 now. I haven't picked her up in 3 years.
I have never rested. Not really. I have always hoped that the Costo would resolve on it's own. Not so much. =) Soooo I've gone about my life, barreling through the pain, determined not to let it stop me...just crying a lot from the pain. Well...I surrender. I give up. I prayed a lot and know with all my heart that it's time to let my body heal. So I'm resting...really resting....it sucks. It's hard. I'm missing out. But I can't look at it that way.
I have to keep looking forward...trusting that when I heal...one day I will pick up my niece and belly laugh as hard as I want to...and will feel no pain. Sounds a little dramatic. That's okay, I'm really for some good ol', "I'm healed", drama. =)
Yes, Disabled People Wear Lingerie.
2 weeks ago