Sunday, August 23, 2009

Costochondritis- My Aha Moment

Everyone has them...the moment when you know that if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting.

I was on vacation with my pain with every laugh, every hug, but loving being with them. The 15 hour drive was rough on the ribs...but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews and I LOVE them. It's so much fun to always have an adorable little person to cuddle. =)

We were at my parents campsite...enjoying a peaceful evening. My niece Kaylee, came up to me and we were talking. I was like "Kaylee, sit in my lap and let's roast marsh mellows!" She looked at me and said "LaLa...i can't...Daddy says if I sit in your lap, I'll get in trouble." With that, she trodded off to her cousins.

I sat there as the tears welled up. My brother was only protecting me. He knew that a kid in my lap meant using those chest muscles under the ribs- always causing more pain. I went back to my cabin and let the tears fall. Kaylee was 4 when I first got Costo. She's 7 now. I haven't picked her up in 3 years.

I have never rested. Not really. I have always hoped that the Costo would resolve on it's own. Not so much. =) Soooo I've gone about my life, barreling through the pain, determined not to let it stop me...just crying a lot from the pain. Well...I surrender. I give up. I prayed a lot and know with all my heart that it's time to let my body heal. So I'm resting...really sucks. It's hard. I'm missing out. But I can't look at it that way.

I have to keep looking forward...trusting that when I day I will pick up my niece and belly laugh as hard as I want to...and will feel no pain. Sounds a little dramatic. That's okay, I'm really for some good ol', "I'm healed", drama. =)

1 comment:

  1. I can relate to this so well, as I have costo and Fibromyalgia. It is true that you must keep looking forward and visualizing the day you will be free from this, and can do all of the fun things you dream about. Hang in there, and remember you are never alone. Ignore ignorant people who cannot relate, because they have never experienced what you have gone through. Try to educate those who are willing, then forget about it as they will drain you.