I'm a theater actress and love my profession with all my heart. We all know that actresses are poor =).....so I got my personal training cert. to make money between shows. I began working out a ton- and hard. I had it set in my warped, never give up or show pain, mind that if my body looked good, I'd attract clients...sounds logical...but how much can a body take? I quickly found out 7 months later.
Halloween night, 3 years ago, I was driving fast to the gym, stressed and then BAM....I felt like I was having a heart attack. I quickly pulled the car over, overcome by the pain that was crushing my chest combined with nails stabbing through my heart. That was my first "attack."
My first doctor told me this constant pain was in my head...along with the 2nd and the 3rd. I was desperate, alone, and terrified. After not being able to breathe one night, I ended up at the emergency room with my, now, husband. They too, found nothing wrong, but sent me to a cardiologist anyway. The cardiologist shooed me out so fast...saying nothing was wrong with me, I should try anti-depressants. I was heart broken and mortified. Where was this pain coming from?
I continued working...plagued every minute by this pain- when people talked to me, I didn't hear them, I just heard the pain screaming at me. I found a chiropractor who said he could help me...I ended up back in the emergency room.
Then my back and shoulder started hurting...so I ended up in 12 different doctor office's who are back surgeons. After MANY Epidural shots later....I was still in crushing pain. 75 doctors later, no one knew why my chest, shoulders and ribs were still in crushing pain. I felt like I was drowning.
This past Christmas, I walked determined into the office of a pysiatrist. He diagnosed me right there on the spot....2 years after my first attack. I started crying. No more fear, tension headaches, night sweats, nightmares, and thinking some terrible disease had taken over my body. I had a very severe case of Costochondritis....I was like...I have what!? Who? =) I finally had a name for the face of pain.
Which brings me to present day: it's time to move onward and upward with healing in the distance as my bright and beautiful goal, and God as my ultimate physician. No more running around like a chicken with my head cut off to a million doctors who are never able to help me. Now, I pray, listen, and am traveling the road that I believe was meant for me all along. Am I scared I won't be healed? Sure, absolutely! But I can't let my fear snuff out my faith. I just can't. Because my faith is all tied up in my hope. And my hope is tall, strong, and beautiful. I call my hope Jesus Christ.